Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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