theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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