An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
