I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
this is an emotional support booty call
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
