Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
