Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
