dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You made out with two different species that night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
