Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
