you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
