Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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