If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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