Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
