You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
