Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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