I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
