guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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