I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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