either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
