His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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