i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am spending my child support on dildos
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize