i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
