If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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