i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
