I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
