I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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