Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
