I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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