saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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