Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
