She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
