Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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