If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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