I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This is my gift to your gina
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Randomize
