you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
