dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
