think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
