this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
