I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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