don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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