i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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