i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
