but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's official drugs can't kill me
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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