plz talk dirty to me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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