Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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