I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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