she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
