why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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