had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
