literally had 100 drinks last night.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
