yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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