So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
