Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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