There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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