in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
