Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
