Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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