so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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