do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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