at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
