is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think a kid would responsible me up
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
