So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
