It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
