id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
